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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered several hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, as they were only interested in her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in increased attention in our friendship, probably grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, many of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position in our friendship is as the audience. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I've visited many times and resided in previously. I attempted to provide advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I have ended four weeks in that country she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she can understand the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with a view to resolution takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. The second involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She might reject all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they have a version regarding their experiences they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react defensively then consider about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.